It is 14.39 on the 16th of May 2013. I am currently sat in the Law Library of Hugh Owen Library, Aberystwyth University, having just finished my essay plans for my exam tomorrow, I have decided to blog instead of memorising them. This time tomorrow I will be 39 minutes (well 40 now) into my last ever exam. A somewhat liberating, yet depressing thought. Like I have said in a previous post, I am looking forward to leaving institutionalised education. Yet, really this is all I have known. From the age of 4 to 18, I woke up every day and went to school. From 18 to 21, I woke up most days and went to the library/lectures (NB: the use of the word ‘most’, some days in first year I was a tad to hungover to get out of bed…). My life had a structure and to be honest I liked it. Don’t get me wrong, I am very much looking forward to leaving the education system, but I know deep down a part of me (a very small part, maybe a part the size of an m&m – chocolate filled because the peanut ones are slightly bigger) wants to stay in it forever.
So, why am I blogging now instead of revising? Because I had a cheeky cry in cwtch earlier (the Student Union). I unexpectedly ran into my friend Georgia (from my last post), who was celebrating finishing her last exam. I could smell the alcohol on her. It was only about 12.30pm… I was happy to see her, but it bought back all those emotions and sentimental feelings I experienced that night on the prom. And anyway, we had an emotional farewell hug, and it made me cry. It was the second time I cried all year excluding crying whilst watching movies and reading books (the first time was on Monday when I cried on my friend Amy after getting back an essay mark – lame I know). During my Uni time, I have become less of an emotional person than what I was at school. Now I just think why cry? Just get over it, get a grip on life. And now here I am having cried twice in four days…What is wrong with me?
Well I guess all these unwanted emotions are down to the fact that I am approaching the end of an era. And I am one who does’t like change, so maybe I am just scared of what is coming next? Anyway, I made a list (because that is definitely what I seem to be doing a lot of) of the ‘lasts’ I am going to experience today.
NB: They are in different tenses, because some have already happened, some are happening right now, and some will happen before the end of the day.
- I got the bus to campus for the last time (lazy I know!).
- It is my last day in the library.
- I have the last ever can of Red Bull I will drink next to me waiting to be opened when things get dire.
- I had lunch in Cwtch (the Student Union) for the last time – endless entertainment can be had when your name rhymes with Cwtch – ‘Do you want to have lunch with Ruch in Cwtch?’ – it was funny when all we lived, breathed and slept was dissertation.
- I bought my last meal deal from the Union shop – my favourite sandwich wasn’t there so I went for the ‘hey pesto’ sandwich. It was a mind boggling sandwich, I didn’t know if I was eating a sandwich or a pizza.
- I bought a Starbucks from the Union bar for the last time – they have lost their most loyal customer. I only bought one every day because it reminded me of the greater life outside of Aber, and maybe a little bit because I needed the caffeine.
- Today is my last day without Facebook (this is so lame). My sister Avani (author of the blog Away with the Mice – linked at the top of the page – have a read) changed my password so couldn’t go on.
- This is the last time I revise for an undergrad exam, as long as I don’t fail the year.
- Tonight will be the last time I go to bed stressing about an exam the next day.
- And this is the last time I blog as a method procrastination from revision.
So, as you can see that today, is the last time I do a lot of things. And for someone who doesn’t like change, it is very hard to deal with.
If I was to give advice to someone experiencing the same emotions and sentiments I am, I would probably tell them to ‘Get a grip of yourself and embrace the future.’
So that is what I going to do, though I may have to have a little cry as I leave Hugh Owen Library for the last time. It has been like my second home. Crying is unavoidable.
Insightful Ending: I don’t have anything insightful to say today, mainly because I have just realised that I should probably get back to revision…Wish me luck!